Football is often celebrated as a global language. No less global, though considerably less celebrated, is the plethora of football-specific clichés which make up the language of commentary, post-match interview and expert analysis. Often mocked, but rarely seriously analysed, the very ubiquity and persistence of these clichés suggests that their use is rather more than simple linguistic ‘laziness’ on the part of pundits and players. We propose that the footballing cliché is in fact an integral thread in the broader fibre of modern football itself, a demonstrably functional feature of the everyday footballing lexicon, and is therefore worthy of investigation in its own right. After all, it’s important to take each game as it comes. In order...